Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Best juggling performance I have ever seen
I can't recall whether I sent this around in the past. Even if I did, it's worth a second look. This just may be the greatest juggling performance I have ever watched - and the performer never even uses his hands!
A note of caution: The link below is a big file so it might take some time to download. The video clip is about six minutes long, but it keeps getting better and better and the most incredible stuff is towards the end, so hang in there and watch it to the very end.
Thanks to Jim K for sending this my way. -- tj
http://video.premiumtv.co.uk/rangersfc/video/mrwoo_hi.wmv?MSWMExt=.asf
A note of caution: The link below is a big file so it might take some time to download. The video clip is about six minutes long, but it keeps getting better and better and the most incredible stuff is towards the end, so hang in there and watch it to the very end.
Thanks to Jim K for sending this my way. -- tj
http://video.premiumtv.co.uk/rangersfc/video/mrwoo_hi.wmv?MSWMExt=.asf
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Sounds like Henny Youngman - YDG
Who knows who the source is, but if you like Henny Youngman, you'll likethese. Thanks to Matt for starting off my morning with some really baaaaadjokes. - tj ; )
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A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrotin his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "Doctor, what's the matterwith me?" "You're not eating properly."------
During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magicshow. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theateryelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir," the magician answered,"But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back,"Ok, then, just tell my wife!"
-----------------------------
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrotin his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "Doctor, what's the matterwith me?" "You're not eating properly."------
During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magicshow. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theateryelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir," the magician answered,"But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back,"Ok, then, just tell my wife!"
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Why I won't vote for George Bush
An essay written by Keith in October 2004, right before the Presidential election. Worth reading again -- tj
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Why I won’t vote for George Bush
I consider myself a reasonable man. By that I mean not just that I listen to both sides of an issue, but that I also take time to ponder and weigh the merits of both sides. In doing so I seek to not just understand the logic of a point of view, but to find the humanity, the value, the wisdom if you will, of a point of view. If I can justify a point of view with an argument based on wisdom, I can do nothing but adopt it – no matter from what point of view I began my thinking.
We are all subject to partial information. Any discussion we have with each other and ourselves has to work only with what we have absorbed. We get our facts from the mainstream media and some from non-mainstream media and some from personal experience and experience of people we know. That’s what we have to work with, and it is never a full accounting of facts. So we need to make decisions and judgments on what knowledge we have, or we will never move forward.
I feel George Bush did the wrong thing in going to war in Iraq. At the time I didn’t see enough power in the arguments presented by him and his staff for doing so. The intelligence they supposedly had was flawed, and little of it was actually revealed to the American people. Now the blame seems to fall on the intelligence agencies for producing faulty intelligence, but I frankly don’t believe that, since I have some working knowledge of that community and realize that analyst reports are often steered to support the conclusions that management would like to see. But even if there were WMD in Iraq, there were other countries as well that had, and to this day still have, weapons as dangerous. Saddam used them against the Kurds, true, but did he present an imminent threat to the United States? I didn’t see how. There is the argument that he might have given them to Al Quaida, but they could have gotten weapons from Syria or Iran, nations that were not as contained as Iraq was, it being under sanctions by the UN. And did Iraq harbor Al Quaida operatives? The evidence revealed to us at the time was very thin. Iraq was a dangerous country, but was it an imminent threat? No, the facts presented to the United States public prior to the invasion was not satisfactory to me to justify invasion, or its costs in lost lives, lost economic output and higher national debt.
Why did Congress, and Senator Kerry, approve going to war, then? I believe America had fears that lead the nation to strike out. Bush attacked Afghanistan and cleared out the Al Quaida training camps – this made sense to me. But America, through its elected representatives, let him invade Iraq soon after. I believe it was from an irrational fear of an enemy that could not be pinpointed to a country or a government. It was a fear that a strike that could cost us our lives, in our own home towns, could occur at any time that allowed the majority of our people to approve a strong reaction, even if they didn’t really understand why. In the same way we strike out irrationally when threatened, the majority of people needed a release from our fear. Bush presented us with war in Iraq as a way to feel in control again, to feel like we had an answer to this pervasive fear. None of us had all the facts. Instead we relied upon our elected leaders to make judgments for us.
But did it work? Was war the answer to make us feel more secure? In thinking this through and looking for the wisdom of this approach, I find it was a mistake. It was a mistake because our striking out at Saddam, while it temporarily made the country feel good again, feel in control again, was ultimately only a short term release of fear. Do we feel more secure here in the United States now that Saddam and his sons are no longer a threat? Do we have less to worry about in our home towns? I would suspect most people would say no.
And how could we? The threat and fear we feel didn’t originate with Saddam. It originated with Bin Laden and Al Quaida. And this is exactly what terrorism is all about. Terrorism is not about the attack, it is about instilling fear of an attack. It is about the fear, and making us act out of fear in destructive and irrational ways that are the ultimate aims of terrorists. It is why the word originates with the word “terror” – terrorists are people whose goal is to terrorize their enemies. As long as we act out of fear and use our fear as justification for our actions and decisions, the terrorists have won.
So I come back to whether George Bush has acted with wisdom in his term as President. I believe he had not acted with wisdom. It was wise to eliminate Al Quaida from Afghanistan in order to show the world that the United States will act when threatened in a strong and decisive manner – that we are not weak, but a force to be reckoned with if provoked. Any less of a response would have been capitulation and the beginning of our end. But it must have been out of fear that America then allowed him to invade Iraq, because there was not the clear tie between the terrorist threat and Iraq. We need to continue to track down and eliminate Al Quaida throughout the world, but we are in that situation with or without Saddam in power. We eliminated a dictator, but others in the world remain. As a leader, Bush did not do the wise thing. He did not lead the nation through the immediate fear it had to steadfastness and resolve to not let the fear dominate our lives. He did not show us a path to sense of security after Afghanistan, but instead engaged us in another, more costly war. Today the fear of Al Quadi continues to trouble all of us, and the Vice President even uses it to campaign with, citing the possibility that a bomb could be smuggled into the US in a suitcase. This is not leadership, it is submission to fear.
I don’t know how Kerry will lead us. But I have seen how Bush has succumbed to fear, not shown American a path away from fear, and has used fear for political advantage, and so believe he is ultimately damaging to the strength of our country. I will vote for John Kerry in hope of finding in him a leader who can show us a better way, and in hope of eliminating a leader who can only weaken our country.
No matter who wins, though, I call on our next President to help use find a way of wisdom, not of terror.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why I won’t vote for George Bush
I consider myself a reasonable man. By that I mean not just that I listen to both sides of an issue, but that I also take time to ponder and weigh the merits of both sides. In doing so I seek to not just understand the logic of a point of view, but to find the humanity, the value, the wisdom if you will, of a point of view. If I can justify a point of view with an argument based on wisdom, I can do nothing but adopt it – no matter from what point of view I began my thinking.
We are all subject to partial information. Any discussion we have with each other and ourselves has to work only with what we have absorbed. We get our facts from the mainstream media and some from non-mainstream media and some from personal experience and experience of people we know. That’s what we have to work with, and it is never a full accounting of facts. So we need to make decisions and judgments on what knowledge we have, or we will never move forward.
I feel George Bush did the wrong thing in going to war in Iraq. At the time I didn’t see enough power in the arguments presented by him and his staff for doing so. The intelligence they supposedly had was flawed, and little of it was actually revealed to the American people. Now the blame seems to fall on the intelligence agencies for producing faulty intelligence, but I frankly don’t believe that, since I have some working knowledge of that community and realize that analyst reports are often steered to support the conclusions that management would like to see. But even if there were WMD in Iraq, there were other countries as well that had, and to this day still have, weapons as dangerous. Saddam used them against the Kurds, true, but did he present an imminent threat to the United States? I didn’t see how. There is the argument that he might have given them to Al Quaida, but they could have gotten weapons from Syria or Iran, nations that were not as contained as Iraq was, it being under sanctions by the UN. And did Iraq harbor Al Quaida operatives? The evidence revealed to us at the time was very thin. Iraq was a dangerous country, but was it an imminent threat? No, the facts presented to the United States public prior to the invasion was not satisfactory to me to justify invasion, or its costs in lost lives, lost economic output and higher national debt.
Why did Congress, and Senator Kerry, approve going to war, then? I believe America had fears that lead the nation to strike out. Bush attacked Afghanistan and cleared out the Al Quaida training camps – this made sense to me. But America, through its elected representatives, let him invade Iraq soon after. I believe it was from an irrational fear of an enemy that could not be pinpointed to a country or a government. It was a fear that a strike that could cost us our lives, in our own home towns, could occur at any time that allowed the majority of our people to approve a strong reaction, even if they didn’t really understand why. In the same way we strike out irrationally when threatened, the majority of people needed a release from our fear. Bush presented us with war in Iraq as a way to feel in control again, to feel like we had an answer to this pervasive fear. None of us had all the facts. Instead we relied upon our elected leaders to make judgments for us.
But did it work? Was war the answer to make us feel more secure? In thinking this through and looking for the wisdom of this approach, I find it was a mistake. It was a mistake because our striking out at Saddam, while it temporarily made the country feel good again, feel in control again, was ultimately only a short term release of fear. Do we feel more secure here in the United States now that Saddam and his sons are no longer a threat? Do we have less to worry about in our home towns? I would suspect most people would say no.
And how could we? The threat and fear we feel didn’t originate with Saddam. It originated with Bin Laden and Al Quaida. And this is exactly what terrorism is all about. Terrorism is not about the attack, it is about instilling fear of an attack. It is about the fear, and making us act out of fear in destructive and irrational ways that are the ultimate aims of terrorists. It is why the word originates with the word “terror” – terrorists are people whose goal is to terrorize their enemies. As long as we act out of fear and use our fear as justification for our actions and decisions, the terrorists have won.
So I come back to whether George Bush has acted with wisdom in his term as President. I believe he had not acted with wisdom. It was wise to eliminate Al Quaida from Afghanistan in order to show the world that the United States will act when threatened in a strong and decisive manner – that we are not weak, but a force to be reckoned with if provoked. Any less of a response would have been capitulation and the beginning of our end. But it must have been out of fear that America then allowed him to invade Iraq, because there was not the clear tie between the terrorist threat and Iraq. We need to continue to track down and eliminate Al Quaida throughout the world, but we are in that situation with or without Saddam in power. We eliminated a dictator, but others in the world remain. As a leader, Bush did not do the wise thing. He did not lead the nation through the immediate fear it had to steadfastness and resolve to not let the fear dominate our lives. He did not show us a path to sense of security after Afghanistan, but instead engaged us in another, more costly war. Today the fear of Al Quadi continues to trouble all of us, and the Vice President even uses it to campaign with, citing the possibility that a bomb could be smuggled into the US in a suitcase. This is not leadership, it is submission to fear.
I don’t know how Kerry will lead us. But I have seen how Bush has succumbed to fear, not shown American a path away from fear, and has used fear for political advantage, and so believe he is ultimately damaging to the strength of our country. I will vote for John Kerry in hope of finding in him a leader who can show us a better way, and in hope of eliminating a leader who can only weaken our country.
No matter who wins, though, I call on our next President to help use find a way of wisdom, not of terror.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Truck art you won't believe!...
Pretty darn cool photos. My favorite is the 2nd to last one. Someone has a seriously warped sense of humor with that one. Thanks to El for passing these along to me. -- tj
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Monday, November 21, 2005
The president's pigs - YDG
A fun one from Lenny W. -- tj
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President Bush gets out of his helicopter in front of the White Housecarrying a baby pig under each arm.
The Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."
Bush replies: "These are not pigs, these are Texan Razorback Hogs. I got one for Vice-President Cheney, and I got one for Defense Secretary Rumsfeld."
The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice trade, sir."
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President Bush gets out of his helicopter in front of the White Housecarrying a baby pig under each arm.
The Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."
Bush replies: "These are not pigs, these are Texan Razorback Hogs. I got one for Vice-President Cheney, and I got one for Defense Secretary Rumsfeld."
The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice trade, sir."
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Protecting your privacy - something you should know about your Driver's License!
Sent along to me by Kevin. Is there no regard for personal privacy anymore? Check this out and let others know about this egregious violation of our personal privacy rights. -- tj
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This was forwarded from a friend of mine....scary what's out there....:
This is upsetting and I thought I should pass it along. Check your driver's license. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the internet, including your own!
I just searched for mine and there it was... picture and all!!Thanks Homeland Security! Where are our rights? I definitely removed mine.
I suggest you do the same. Go to the web site and check it out. Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is on file.
After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked "Please Remove". This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement.
http://www.license.shorturl.com/
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This was forwarded from a friend of mine....scary what's out there....:
This is upsetting and I thought I should pass it along. Check your driver's license. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the internet, including your own!
I just searched for mine and there it was... picture and all!!Thanks Homeland Security! Where are our rights? I definitely removed mine.
I suggest you do the same. Go to the web site and check it out. Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is on file.
After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked "Please Remove". This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement.
http://www.license.shorturl.com/
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Security questions we hope to never see.
Seems that all websites with logins are asking you to answer a security question in case you lose your password. Here’s some we hope to never see. Sent to me by the Professor. -- tj
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At what age did you see your first zit?
What was your most embarrassing moment?
What is the name of the co-worker who most annoys you?
What is your favorite fast food?
What kind of car do you wish you could afford?
How many times a day do you eat chocolate?
What was the name of the girlfriend/boyfriend who first dumped you?
What was the name of the girlfriend/boyfriend who last dumped you?
What year was the last time you didn’t have any debt?
------------------------------
At what age did you see your first zit?
What was your most embarrassing moment?
What is the name of the co-worker who most annoys you?
What is your favorite fast food?
What kind of car do you wish you could afford?
How many times a day do you eat chocolate?
What was the name of the girlfriend/boyfriend who first dumped you?
What was the name of the girlfriend/boyfriend who last dumped you?
What year was the last time you didn’t have any debt?
Friday, November 18, 2005
Haliburton stock price compared to Iraq casualties - interesting statistical comparison
Personally, I think this is just a big coincidence. Thanks to Dale for sending this my way. -- tj
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Six Easy Questions
This was sent to me by Keith. Six really easy questions. How many can you answer correctly? -- tj
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Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it," also applies to the brain, so..... Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the following test and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." Try not to look at the answers. OK, relax, clear your mind and.... begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate, such as Children's World." If you said "water," proceed to question 3
3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said, "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing reading these questions????? If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. Twenty years ago, a plane was flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines failed. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the third engine fails before he has time to attempt an emergency landing, and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? . . . in East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors," proceed to question 5.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
Answer: One degree! If you said, "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn in your pencil, and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator -- You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus, and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!! Now pass this along to all your "friends" and hope they do better then you did!
------------------------------------------
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it," also applies to the brain, so..... Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the following test and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." Try not to look at the answers. OK, relax, clear your mind and.... begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate, such as Children's World." If you said "water," proceed to question 3
3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said, "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing reading these questions????? If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. Twenty years ago, a plane was flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines failed. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the third engine fails before he has time to attempt an emergency landing, and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? . . . in East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors," proceed to question 5.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
Answer: One degree! If you said, "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn in your pencil, and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator -- You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus, and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!! Now pass this along to all your "friends" and hope they do better then you did!
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Cold weather in New England - YDG
Love this one, sent to me by Matt T. Except for the punch line (written especially for you, Brant, it would appear), this was the same as one I saw awhile back but in lieu of New Englanders, it used Canadians. Anyway, seems very timely right about now. Stay warm..... - tj
------------------------
New Englanders And Winter
When It Comes To Cold, New Englanders Are Unfazed
60° F:
Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in New England sunbathe.
50° F:New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
People in New England plant gardens.
40° F:Italian and English cars won't start.
People in New England drive with the windows down.
32° F:Distilled water freezes.
Maine's Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.
20° F:Floridians don fur coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.
15° F:New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0° F:All the people in Miami die...
New Englanders close the windows.
10° below zero:Californians fly away to Mexico.
The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.
25° below zero:Hollywood disintegrates.
People in New England get out their winter coats.
40° below zero:Washington, D.C. runs out of hot air.
People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
100° below zero:Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start their "kahs."
460° below zero:All atomic motion stops.
People in New England start saying......."Cold 'nuff for ya?"
500° below zero:Hell freezes over.
The Red Sox win the World Series.
------------------------
New Englanders And Winter
When It Comes To Cold, New Englanders Are Unfazed
60° F:
Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in New England sunbathe.
50° F:New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
People in New England plant gardens.
40° F:Italian and English cars won't start.
People in New England drive with the windows down.
32° F:Distilled water freezes.
Maine's Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.
20° F:Floridians don fur coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.
15° F:New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0° F:All the people in Miami die...
New Englanders close the windows.
10° below zero:Californians fly away to Mexico.
The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.
25° below zero:Hollywood disintegrates.
People in New England get out their winter coats.
40° below zero:Washington, D.C. runs out of hot air.
People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
100° below zero:Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start their "kahs."
460° below zero:All atomic motion stops.
People in New England start saying......."Cold 'nuff for ya?"
500° below zero:Hell freezes over.
The Red Sox win the World Series.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
President outsourced to India - YDG
Thanks to Bill for sharing this one with me. -- tj
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Nov. 10, 2005
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of October 12th, 2005.
The move is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office (GAO), has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President as of December 1st. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320(USD)a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center, "stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."
A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem because Bush is not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all.
--------------------
Nov. 10, 2005
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of October 12th, 2005.
The move is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office (GAO), has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President as of December 1st. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320(USD)a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center, "stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."
A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem because Bush is not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all.
Monday, November 14, 2005
An Amazing Picture of Mars
An amazing never-before-seen photo of Mars. Thanks to Anne for sending this rare image of the red planet my way. I am told the photo is completely unretouched. -- tj
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Sunday, November 13, 2005
Eggstremely Eggravating - fun game
This is really fun. Who comes up with these crazy games? Anyway, this one is quite challenging and involves a bit of skill. Very fun. Thanks so much to whoever it was that sent this to me. I can't remember who did, but they sure must be one very cool, neat, clever, creative person, whoever they are........ -- tj
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http://www.rit.edu/~smo4215/flash/Eggs.swf
----------------------
http://www.rit.edu/~smo4215/flash/Eggs.swf
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Brigham Young physics professor says the planes were not the cause of the Word Trade Center bldgs' collapse
OK, at the risk of sounding like a left-wing conspiracy wacko, I feel compelled to share with you this article from the Deseret Morning News, a newspaper in Salt Lake City, UT. Not sure why none of the mainstream press or cable news channels is picking up this story, but this supposedly regular morning papers in Utah did (because, I presume, the professor being cited teaches at Brigham Young, in Utah).
This physics professor, Steven Jones essentially says that the actual collapse of the two WTC towers plus a third WTC building on 9/11 was not the result of the two planes that crashed into them but rather the result of a well-planned and meticulously timed deliberate demolition of the buildings. He says that based on the laws of physics and the way the buildings were designed and constructed, as well as the way in which they collapsed, there is no way the planes nor the heat from the fuel-soaked fires could have brought these buildings down. So there must be another explanation, and his explanation is a demolition from underneath. As for who would have been behind such a nefarious plot, he is not willing to speculate.
Sound too far-fetched to be credible? Read the article and draw your own conclusions:
http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,635160132,00.html
This physics professor, Steven Jones essentially says that the actual collapse of the two WTC towers plus a third WTC building on 9/11 was not the result of the two planes that crashed into them but rather the result of a well-planned and meticulously timed deliberate demolition of the buildings. He says that based on the laws of physics and the way the buildings were designed and constructed, as well as the way in which they collapsed, there is no way the planes nor the heat from the fuel-soaked fires could have brought these buildings down. So there must be another explanation, and his explanation is a demolition from underneath. As for who would have been behind such a nefarious plot, he is not willing to speculate.
Sound too far-fetched to be credible? Read the article and draw your own conclusions:
http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,635160132,00.html
Friday, November 11, 2005
Infamous Quotes by Tom DeLay
I sure will miss this guy being in charge of the House of Representatives..... Thanks to Penny for sharing these pearls of wisdom from Tom DeLay. - tj
------------------
Incredible but true stories from the heart of our government!
1) "So many minority youths had volunteered.that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like myself." --Tom DeLay, explaining at the 1988 GOP convention why he and vice presidential nominee Dan Quayle did not fight in the Vietnam War.
2) "Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?" -Tom Delay, to three young hurricane evacuees from New Orleans at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept.
9, 2005.
3) "I AM the federal government." -Tom DeLay, to the owner of Ruth's Chris Steak House, after being told to put out his cigar because of federal government regulations banning smoking in the building, May 14, 2003.
4)"I am not a federal employee. I am a constitutional officer. My job is the Constitution of the United States, I am not a government employee. I am in the Constitution." -Tom DeLay, in a CNN interview, Dec. 19, 1995.
5) "Nothing is more important in the face of a war than cutting taxes." -Tom DeLay, March 12, 2003.
6) "Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence. The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills." -Tom DeLay, on causes of the Columbine High School massacre, 1999.
7) "A woman can take care of the family. It takes a man to provide structure. To provide stability. Not that a woman can't provide stability, I'm not saying that... It does take a father, though." -Tom DeLay, in a radio interview, Feb. 10, 2004.
8) "I don't believe there is a separation of church and state. I think the Constitution is very clear. The only separation is that there will not be a government church." -Tom DeLay.
9) "Emotional appeals about working families trying to get by on $4.25 an hour [the minimum wage in 1996] are hard to resist. Fortunately, such families do not exist." -Tom DeLay, during a debate in Congress on increasing the minimum wage, April 23, 1996.
10) "We're no longer a superpower. We're a super-duper power." -Tom DeLay, in a 2002 interview with Fox News, explaining why America must topple Saddam Hussein.
------------------
Incredible but true stories from the heart of our government!
1) "So many minority youths had volunteered.that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like myself." --Tom DeLay, explaining at the 1988 GOP convention why he and vice presidential nominee Dan Quayle did not fight in the Vietnam War.
2) "Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?" -Tom Delay, to three young hurricane evacuees from New Orleans at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept.
9, 2005.
3) "I AM the federal government." -Tom DeLay, to the owner of Ruth's Chris Steak House, after being told to put out his cigar because of federal government regulations banning smoking in the building, May 14, 2003.
4)"I am not a federal employee. I am a constitutional officer. My job is the Constitution of the United States, I am not a government employee. I am in the Constitution." -Tom DeLay, in a CNN interview, Dec. 19, 1995.
5) "Nothing is more important in the face of a war than cutting taxes." -Tom DeLay, March 12, 2003.
6) "Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence. The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills." -Tom DeLay, on causes of the Columbine High School massacre, 1999.
7) "A woman can take care of the family. It takes a man to provide structure. To provide stability. Not that a woman can't provide stability, I'm not saying that... It does take a father, though." -Tom DeLay, in a radio interview, Feb. 10, 2004.
8) "I don't believe there is a separation of church and state. I think the Constitution is very clear. The only separation is that there will not be a government church." -Tom DeLay.
9) "Emotional appeals about working families trying to get by on $4.25 an hour [the minimum wage in 1996] are hard to resist. Fortunately, such families do not exist." -Tom DeLay, during a debate in Congress on increasing the minimum wage, April 23, 1996.
10) "We're no longer a superpower. We're a super-duper power." -Tom DeLay, in a 2002 interview with Fox News, explaining why America must topple Saddam Hussein.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Workplace vocabulary- new definitions
Some of these I have seen before, and you probably have too, but some of these are new. -- tj
-----------------------
Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's work place.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust.
-----------------------
Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's work place.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Honda Commercial - Unbelievable TV commercial
I have never seen this before (apparently it's been around for awhile. This is quite simply the most amazing TV commercial I have ever seen. Before you click on the link to see the Honda TV commercial, read the information below, as it will be more impressive after you're read the background. Thanks to Jeff for passing along this gem. -- tj
----------
Read the story before going to site.
There are NO computer graphics or digital tricks in the film you are about to see. Everything you see really happened in real time, exactly as you see it.
The film required 606 takes. On the first 605 takes, something, usually very minor, didn't work. They would then have to set the whole thing up again. The crew spent weeks shooting night and day. By the time it was over, they were ready to change professions.
The film cost 6 million dollars and took three months to complete, including a full engineering of the sequence. In addition, it's two minutes long so every time Honda airs the film on British television, they're shelling out enough dough to keep any one of us in clover for a lifetime. However, it is fast becoming the most downloaded advertisement in Internet history - no cost to Honda there – clever.
Honda executives figure the ad will soon pay for itself simply in "free" viewings. (Honda isn't paying a dime to have you watch this commercial!) When the ad was pitched to senior executives, they signed off on it immediately without any hesitation --- including the costs.
There are six and only six hand-made Accords in the world. To the horror of Honda engineers, the filmmakers disassembled two of them to make the film. Everything you see in the film (aside from the walls, floor, ramp, and complete Honda Accord) is parts from those two cars. The voiceover is Garrison Keillor.
When the ad was shown to Honda executives, they liked it and commented on how amazing computer graphics have gotten. They fell off their chairs when they found out it was for real. Oh. ... about those funky windshield wipers: On the new Accords, the windshield wipers have water sensors and are designed to start functioning automatically as soon as they become wet. It looks a bit odd in the commercial.
As amazing as this is, the commercial is actually based on an earlier film from the 1970s called "How Things Move" by two Swiss self-destructing artifacts artists. Some sharp-eyed folks claim that tires rolling UPHILL necessarily require computer-generated effects. Not so. The sequence where the tires roll up a slope looks particularly impressive but is very simple. There is a weight [in each] tire and when the tire is knocked, the weight is displaced and in an attempt to re balance itself, the tire rolls up the slope.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/honda-ad.html
----------
Read the story before going to site.
There are NO computer graphics or digital tricks in the film you are about to see. Everything you see really happened in real time, exactly as you see it.
The film required 606 takes. On the first 605 takes, something, usually very minor, didn't work. They would then have to set the whole thing up again. The crew spent weeks shooting night and day. By the time it was over, they were ready to change professions.
The film cost 6 million dollars and took three months to complete, including a full engineering of the sequence. In addition, it's two minutes long so every time Honda airs the film on British television, they're shelling out enough dough to keep any one of us in clover for a lifetime. However, it is fast becoming the most downloaded advertisement in Internet history - no cost to Honda there – clever.
Honda executives figure the ad will soon pay for itself simply in "free" viewings. (Honda isn't paying a dime to have you watch this commercial!) When the ad was pitched to senior executives, they signed off on it immediately without any hesitation --- including the costs.
There are six and only six hand-made Accords in the world. To the horror of Honda engineers, the filmmakers disassembled two of them to make the film. Everything you see in the film (aside from the walls, floor, ramp, and complete Honda Accord) is parts from those two cars. The voiceover is Garrison Keillor.
When the ad was shown to Honda executives, they liked it and commented on how amazing computer graphics have gotten. They fell off their chairs when they found out it was for real. Oh. ... about those funky windshield wipers: On the new Accords, the windshield wipers have water sensors and are designed to start functioning automatically as soon as they become wet. It looks a bit odd in the commercial.
As amazing as this is, the commercial is actually based on an earlier film from the 1970s called "How Things Move" by two Swiss self-destructing artifacts artists. Some sharp-eyed folks claim that tires rolling UPHILL necessarily require computer-generated effects. Not so. The sequence where the tires roll up a slope looks particularly impressive but is very simple. There is a weight [in each] tire and when the tire is knocked, the weight is displaced and in an attempt to re balance itself, the tire rolls up the slope.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/honda-ad.html
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
How did they do this???
Pretty amazing. And I don't think it's any camera trickery. Sent to me by Dale. -- tj
--------------------
http://abfhm.free.fr/basket.htm
--------------------
http://abfhm.free.fr/basket.htm
Monday, November 07, 2005
Hormone Guide - YDG
Good advice for the men out there, passed along by Jeff. -- tj
_________
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks...but chocolate sings.
Another giggle... My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me diamonds. Here, have some chocolate.
_________
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money talks...but chocolate sings.
Another giggle... My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me diamonds. Here, have some chocolate.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
An old story, but a great one ..........
A little warm up for the holiday season -- tj
------------------------------
An old story
I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the way my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"
My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go." "Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun.
"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's. I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church.
I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat! I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.
"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.
That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."
I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.
Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.
Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.
That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team. I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.
May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care...
And may you always believe in the magic
------------------------------
An old story
I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the way my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"
My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.
Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go." "Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun.
"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's. I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church.
I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat! I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.
"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.
That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."
I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.
Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.
Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.
That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team. I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.
May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care...
And may you always believe in the magic
Saturday, November 05, 2005
The Kentucky Blonde and the Casino - YDG
A good one from brother Ted. -- tj
-------------------------------------------
The Kentucky Blonde and the Casino:
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Kentucky arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed...
"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
Moral -Not all Kentuckians are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
-------------------------------------------
The Kentucky Blonde and the Casino:
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Kentucky arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed...
"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
Moral -Not all Kentuckians are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
Friday, November 04, 2005
"The Atheist"
I love this one. Thanks to Ted for this one. - tj
--------------------------------------------
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
"What majestic trees!""What powerful rivers!""What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him and as he turned to look he saw a huge grizzly charging toward him. He ran as fast as he could up the trail but as he looked over his shoulder he was horrified to see the bear closing in on him. He looked back again and the bear was almost upon him. He tripped and fell to the goumd, rolled over to see the bear right on top of him reaching with a huge paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone opon the man a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others that I do not exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?" the man implored.
"Very well," said the voice. The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
--------------------------------------------
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
"What majestic trees!""What powerful rivers!""What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him and as he turned to look he saw a huge grizzly charging toward him. He ran as fast as he could up the trail but as he looked over his shoulder he was horrified to see the bear closing in on him. He looked back again and the bear was almost upon him. He tripped and fell to the goumd, rolled over to see the bear right on top of him reaching with a huge paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone opon the man a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others that I do not exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?" the man implored.
"Very well," said the voice. The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
Thursday, November 03, 2005
What a computer should do first thing in the morning......
Kinda cute. Thanks to Penny for sharing this one. -- tj
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This is what a computer should do first thing in the morning!
Click on the line below, then type in your first name...and click on the pop ups!
http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html
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This is what a computer should do first thing in the morning!
Click on the line below, then type in your first name...and click on the pop ups!
http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Men's Toilet in New Zealand Hotel
Talk about your restroom wall graffiti.... -- tj
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The men's toilet at the Sofitel Hotel in Queenstown, New Zealand
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The men's toilet at the Sofitel Hotel in Queenstown, New Zealand
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Southern Football Quiz
Something here to offend just about anyone from the south. From Dale, the king of poor taste. Just call him Mr. Sensitivity. -- tj (There, MT, you happy now? )
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Southern football quiz.
This should offend about everybody....
1) What does the average Alabama Player get on his SATs?
... Drool.
(2) What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas Cheerleaders in one room?
... A full set of teeth.
(3) How do you get a South Carolina Cheerleader into your dorm room?
... Grease her hips and push.
(4) How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?
... Pay him for the pizza.
(5) How do you know if a Mississippi State football player has a girlfriend?
... There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup
(6) How is the Kentucky Football team like a possum?
... They both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
(7) What are the longest three years of an Auburn football player's life?
... His freshman year.
(8) How many FSU freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
... Trick question! That's actually a sophomore course.
(9) Where was O. J. headed in that white Bronco?
... Baton Rouge. He knew that the cops would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner at LSU.
AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash...)
(10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
...You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along Interstate 40 the rest of the week!
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Southern football quiz.
This should offend about everybody....
1) What does the average Alabama Player get on his SATs?
... Drool.
(2) What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas Cheerleaders in one room?
... A full set of teeth.
(3) How do you get a South Carolina Cheerleader into your dorm room?
... Grease her hips and push.
(4) How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?
... Pay him for the pizza.
(5) How do you know if a Mississippi State football player has a girlfriend?
... There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup
(6) How is the Kentucky Football team like a possum?
... They both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
(7) What are the longest three years of an Auburn football player's life?
... His freshman year.
(8) How many FSU freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
... Trick question! That's actually a sophomore course.
(9) Where was O. J. headed in that white Bronco?
... Baton Rouge. He knew that the cops would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner at LSU.
AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash...)
(10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
...You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along Interstate 40 the rest of the week!
