BigZeroLittleZero

This is sheer brilliance. You have to check out this comedian. It's a series of 1 - 2 minute humor snippets from a standup act called "Ask a republican." The comedian pretends to be a Republican and takes questions from the audience and answers in a style, well... you get the idea. Check out the link. I found it a little bit hard to finally get to the actual humor clips so you might need to be a little bit persistent. But it's worth the effort. Trust me on this. Thanks to my cousin Vicky for sharing this link with me. -- tj

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2691993?ifilmid=2691995

A friend of mine sent me a link for a very interesting web site, www.pandora.com. It lets you customize your musical preferences and create a personalized play list for your computer. You can create multiple radio stations and tell the system which songs or artists you like and as it suggests songs you tell the system if you like each new song or not, so over time it learns your musical tastes. And the best part, you can subscribe for free (if you are ok with ads - or pay an annual subscription if you don't like the ads).

Pretty cool. Worth checking out! Thanks to Dan K for sharing this site with me. -- tj

In case you want to know the time -- up to the second - here is another interesting clock I thought you might enjoy looking at:
http://www.yugop.com/ver3/stuff/03/fla.html

I know just what you need to put a smile into your day... why, it's hairball bowling!! Of course. Thanks to Pam for causing me to waste 15 minutes while at work today. -- tj

http://upchucky.com/games/hairball-bowling.html

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of
the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying
the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal to the metal
even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida Highway Patrol car behind
him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly gentleman as he
floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120mph.

Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this
nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper
to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the
Corvette, looked at his watch and said,

"Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a
reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.

D'oh.... It was a hoax. Bad, tj. Very bad, tj. Turns out that this is all made up (found at snopes.com here: http://www.snopes.com/politics/gasoline/gasout.asp

Besides, as a friend of mine aptly stated in reply to my email, there is a better solution and much better for the long term. I will let his eloquent words speak for themselves:

I know Exxon and the others are gouging us. I hate making those bastards even richer. But the ultimate slam to them is to not need the gas anymore. Period.

So rather than doing something that in reality will have little affect on Exxon's profits, let's really do something about the situation - demand that our congressmen get serious about alternative energy policies; elect politicians in the first place who understand the real issues involving a sane energy policy, and will do something about it; demand that the auto makers stop pushing the huge gas guzzlers and make reasonably priced hybrids and other cars that get 50 miles a gallon; and most of all, get rid of our stupid gas burners and get cars with better mileage, live closer to our work, and find other ways to reduce our dependence on gasoline.

Now THAT would really accomplish something!

It's a long shot, but heck, why not give this idea a try..... Thanks to Kevin for passing gas, er, I mean, passing this idea about gasoline purchasing along....... tj

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"GAS WAR - an idea that WILL work

This was originally sent by a retired Coca Cola executive It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton. It's worth your consideration.

Join the resistance!!!! I hear we are going to hit close to $ 4.00 a gallon by next summer and it might go higher!! Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action.

Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea. This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May!

The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join with us!

By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.79 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace...not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How?

Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war. Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers. If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all! (If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am . so trust me on this one.) :-)

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!! I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you! Acting together we can make a difference.

If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK."

Ah, some people have truly mastered the English language... Samples below. -- tj

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Creative Writing
1. She grew on him as if she was a colony of E-coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

2. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makesjust before it throws up.

3. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

4. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch-tree.

5. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

6. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

7. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

8. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

9. Even in his last years, Grand-pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left outside so long, it had rusted shut.

10. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,this plan just might work.

11. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

12. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

13. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

14. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

15. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

This says it as articulately as anything I have read about why I am so upsetwith this administration. Please take the time to read it and pass it along.Thanks to Dale for sharing this with me. This truly is a Must Read, in myopinion. --tj

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Published on Saturday, April 8, 2006 by CommonDreams.org
If You Don't Mind, Why Don't You Mind?
by Todd Huffman

A favorite line of song, penned by the Canadian band The Magnetic
Fields, poses the question: If you don't mind, why don't you mind? Where
is your sense of indignation? To anyone who isn't yet appalled by the
extent of the disaster that is the Bush presidency, I could not think of
how better to ask it: Why don't you mind?

Not a day goes by without some new disclosure, some new bit of headline
evidence that the Bush presidency is the most catastrophic presidency in
the history of our great country. The consequences of this fact will
effect not only yours and my personal future and fortunes, but those of
our children and theirs. Where is your sense of indignation?

What can be safely said is this: Poverty is up by nearly 50 percent
since this president took office. Somewhere between five and ten million
Americans have lost their health insurance. Income inequality is the
highest since the 1920s. Real median income has declined five
consecutive years, the longest such streak since the Great Depression.
And the Bush budget cuts have left Americans with the most threadbare
social safety net since that dreadful era.

Almost 30 percent of American manufacturing jobs have been lost over
these past five years. Manufacturing now accounts for less than 13
percent of our Gross Domestic Product, while the finance, insurance and
real estate sector accounts for greater than 20 percent. Under Bush,
moving money around has surpassed making things as the greatest share of
our GDP.

Bush inherited massive budget surpluses but has turned those into
massive deficits. While our net foreign indebtedness took over 200 years
to reach $1 trillion, just since 2001 it has increased by another $3
trillion. While just five years ago our national debt stood at just over
$5 trillion, now it stands at over $8 trillion. America has become a
rentier nation, living off unearned income and racking up millions more
debt every second of every day. Why don't you mind?

The trade deficit has exploded to over $800 billion per year, and the
United States is having to borrow more than $2 billion per day to pay
for our profligacy. And it is China - our greatest strategic adversary -
that loans us much of those sums. Never could anyone have imagined that
the most powerful and arguably democratic nation the world has ever
known would give its most threatening competitor and the world's largest
remaining communist nation such direct control over its economic
destiny. Where is your sense of indignation?

It does not matter, not much anyway, to Bush Republicans that their
out-of-control spending and their tax cuts for the rich have driven this
nation into a downward spiral of debt. The spend-and-spend, big
business, cheap labor, big government, socially regressive Republican
Party has also become the political vehicle of the radically religious
who, believing Jesus is coming at any minute, believe therefore that
long-term fiscal responsibility is of little concern, to say nothing of
social and environmental responsibility.

Under Bush, the United States has become the world's leading crusader
state, led by a congregation of born-again politicians enriching the
rich under the guise of Christian compassion, and brandishing Bibles as
public policy guides. Rather than public policy based on the national
interest, our government's public policy is now largely based on faith.
Faith-based social policy, faith-based war, faith-based science,
faith-based education, and faith-based medicine, all are leading our
nation down a road to ruin.
Why don't you mind?

Corruption is rampant. Money spent each year by lobbyists in Washington
has doubled to $3 billion in just the past six years. Cronies with
little experience are given high-ranking positions, or offered Supreme
Court judgeships, or given no-bid contracts worth tens of billions of
dollars.
The Republican majority leader in the House is under indictment and was
forced to resign his leadership position, and, on April 4th, his House
seat. The Republican majority leader in the Senate is under
investigation for insider trading. One Republican congressman has been
convicted on bribery charges, and more indictments of GOP members are
expected this year as lobbyist-in-disgrace Jack Abramoff spills his guts
to the FBI in return for a reduced sentence. Where is your sense of
indignation?

The Vice-President's Chief of Staff resigned under indictment for
leaking the name of a covert CIA operative. Special Prosecutor
Fitzgerald is continuing an investigation that, before the year is out,
might conceivably lead to indictments of the two White House pit bulls:
Karl Rove and Vice-President Cheney. Bush himself has now been
implicated as Leaker-in-Chief. Meanwhile, the White House smite squad
tears down all who dare disagree with its policies, or leave the
congregation under protest, and blames the media when it all too
occasionally goes off-message and reports the real news.

And let's not forget that President Bush was asleep at the switch before
9/11, ignoring a memo entitled "Bin Laden Determined To Strike Inside
the United States". He was asleep at the switch before Katrina washed
away a major American city and almost as many people as who died on
9/11. And he is asleep at the switch as the world faces a potential
catastrophe in global warming. Why don't you mind?

The extent of the disaster that is the Bush presidency is almost beyond
cataloguing. Readers can easily and will undoubtedly come up with many
more examples of incompetence, corruption, deceit, and neglect. But my
space is limited, and allows only one more: Iraq.

The war on Iraq, based at best on faulty intelligence and at worst on
outright lies has proved a gigantic distortion of national priorities.
It has grievously, perhaps irreparably, damaged America's moral standing
in the world. It has caused nearly 2400 American deaths and tens of
thousands of Iraqi. It has consumed our treasury to the tune of half a
trillion dollars thus far, with no end in sight.

The war on Iraq has sapped our military, our credibility, our economy,
and our morale, and has alienated much of the world. The illegal
detention and abuse by American soldiers of detainees at Abu Ghraib,
Bagram, and Guantanamo have led the Muslim world to believe that
democracy is just another costume for tyranny. And, worst of all, the
war on Iraq has diverted our attention from destroying the chief culprit
of 9/11, and has allowed the greater threats to our country - North
Korea and Iran - to accelerate their nuclear weapons programs out of
fear of being next on Bush's "axis-of-evil" hit list. Where is your
sense of indignation?

So what can you do? It is easy to feel helpless, or to lapse into
indifference. But what these perilous times cannot bear is indifference.
We can no longer stand on the sidelines and wait for some non-existent
catalyst to suddenly appear and mobilize a movement that we can then
join.
It is past time to take action. The profile of courage required is in
the mirror.

This is an election year. Write letters to the editor. Write letters to
your congressional representatives. Call your congressional
representatives. Join your local and state Democratic Party
organizations.
Talk to your family, friends, co-workers, and fellow members of your
congregation about writing, calling, and joining together. Good people
of all political persuasions opposed to what the Bush Republicans are
doing to our country must not rest until we take back the Senate and
House this November. We must not rest until in 2008 we take back the
White House, the people's house, and hang on it a banner reading
"Mission Accomplished".

It will most certainly not be easy. But "not easy" is not a synonym for
"let's give up". Rather, it just means "we have to be more imaginative
and work harder and do more and work together to make things right
again". We must come alive with the immediacy of our challenges. The
time for turning our great nation away from the road to ruin is fast
passing.

Todd Huffman (doctortodd@att.net) is a
pediatrician and writer living in Eugene, Oregon. He is a regular
columnist for the Springfield (OR) News, and a regular contributor to
the Portland
(OR) Oregonian, the Eugene (OR) Register-Guard, the University of Oregon
Daily Emerald, the Washington (Seattle) Free Press, and the Columbus(OH) Free Press.

For the Bush fans out there.....--tj

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Apparently, this is the most popular screensaver in the US. If he gets stuck, just move him with your cursor. http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

As we all know, sometimes we face the issue of relocating to another part of the country. The big question is: where? Here are some tips. -- tj

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You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles it is.

You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a 4-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature,"
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.
5. A gun rack is standard equipment on your new truck.

You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
6. There are more certified scuba divers than anywhere but Florida.

And You can live in Florida where…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds.

Or you can live in Seattle where…
1. You can experience all 4 seasons in one day and frequently carry an umbrella when the sun’s shining.
2. You can commute to work in a boat.
3. It’s considered bad form to honk your car’s horn.
4. Traffic jams happen at any moment for no visible reason.
5. Everyone goes everywhere dressed like they’re headed for a hike in the woods.

OK, this is extremely unimportant, but I love these sorts of things. -- tj

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On Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, and at two minutes and three seconds after one in the afternoon, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06That won't ever happen again, so make note of it.