BigZeroLittleZero

This is really quite exceptional. Not funny, but exceptional nonetheless. No one will appreciate this more than my better half.

The whole thing takes about two minutes but is masterfully put together: http://miraulam.multiply.com/video/item/38

-- tj

Not that I would need any of these classes, mind you, but in case you’re a guy, some of these classes sound really fascinating. - tj

Fall Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Monday, Aug 30, 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning

at 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and role-playing.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

The New Bush Bumper Stickers
                   
                    1. Cheney/Satan '08
                   
                    2. 1/20/09: End of an Error
                   
                    3. That's OK; I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
                   
                    4. Lets Fix Democracy in This Country First
                   
                    5. If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran!
 
                   
                    6. Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.
                   
                    7. If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
                   
                    8. Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant
                   
                    9. Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
                   
                    10. George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight.
                   
                    11. America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
                   
                    12. They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
                   
                    13. Jail to the Chief
                   
                    14. No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?
                   
                    15. Bush: God's way of proving Intelligent Design is bullshit
                   
                    16. Bad President! No Banana.
                   
                    17. We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
                   
                    18. We're Making Enemies Faster than We Can Kill Them
                   
                    19. Is It Vietnam Yet?
                   
                    20. Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Hand basket?
                   
                    21. You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
                   
                    22. Impeach Cheney First
                   
                    23. When Bush Took Office, Gas was $1.46
                   
                    24. Pray For Impeachment
                   
                    25. The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
                     
                    26. What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
                   
                    27. One Nation under Clod
                   
                    28. 2004: Embarrassed 2005: Horrified 2006: Terrified
                   
                    29. Bush Never Exhaled
                   
                    30. At Least Nixon Resigned

Hopefully this has never happened to you, but I can certainly feel this golfer’s pain…. - tj

A dancing bird that likes dancing to the beat of the Back Street Boys. Just thought you might enjoy. -- tj

http://birdloversonly.blogspot.com/2007/09/may-i-have-this-dance.html

 

This is really fascinating – if this tool accurately reflects the candidates’ actual views (so that’s a BIG question mark about this little application).

But suspending my cynicism for just a moment and allowing that this tool does accurately represent the candidates’ views on these political issues, your responses to this is an 11-question survey supposedly will list in descending order which candidates for president most closely match your views on 11 topics, and in theory who you would most want to be in the Oval Office. You also get to indicate how important each of these 11 issues is. Sure, there are all sorts of intangibles like “experience” and “leadership” ability, etc., but heck, let’s not over-complicate this thing. It’s just a fun little tool.

My closest matching candidate? Joe Biden, followed closely by Bill Richardson and Denis Kucinich. I guess I am more liberal than even I realized.

The candidates least in alignment with my views: Fred Thompson, Jim Gilmore and Duncan Hunter (hey, who the hell is this guy? --- Fred Thompson, that is) Oh God, please not another actor in the white house! Pleeeeeease!!!!!

Fascinating little application. Try it out yourself and let me know if you discover any surprises.

Here is the link to this very quick survey: http://www.wqad.com/Global/link.asp?L=259460

tj

Biden for President!!! (Hey, it’s what the survey told me to say!!)