Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Murphy's Other Laws
Murphy's Other Laws...
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end,
someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
7. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
8. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those,
who got there first.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he
will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
10. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
11. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
12. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12
people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
The landlord
Here is something most unusual. A video skit called that Landlord, featuring Will Farrell and, supposedly, his daughter. Thanks to Mark for sending this one my way. - tj
http://youtube.com/watch?v=-cCR3xKoDMk
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
U.S. Citizenship Test - see if you pass
are ridiculously easy, but towards the end they start to get significantly
harder. Thanks to Jim for sharing this fun quiz. - tj
-------------------------
U.S. Citizenship Test
Try this - educational and fun. 24 out of 30 is considered a passing grade.
Supposedly 96% of all High School seniors FAILED this test...AND if that's
not bad enough, 50+% of all individuals over 50 did too.
http://games.toast.net/independence
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
The Husband Store (And Wives Store)
to the bottom for the fun punch line. - tj
..........................................
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store
operates:
1. You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
2. There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the
shopper ascends.
3. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to
go up to the next floor, but cannot go back down except to exit the
building!
A woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and
help with housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, help
with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this
floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to
please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
*****Further:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a new Wives Store just
across the street, also with six floors and the same rules.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
Monday, July 16, 2007
The most important movie I have seen in years - Please see this movie!
I just got home from seeing the most incredible, powerful, and disturbing movie I have seen in years.
Regardless of your political leanings, and regardless of your previous opinion about Michael Moore, I urge you to please see the film Sicko. If you’re a Michael Moore critic (and there are a lot of them out there), please don’t judge this movie without seeing it. The movie made me laugh hysterically and in more than one place it moved me deeply. But most of all, it made me really mad and made me question why our healthcare system is the way it is. (An amazing part of the answer relates to a revealing audio-taped session between Richard Nixon and
A powerful line from the movie: “Someone once said that you can tell a lot about a society by how it treats the poorest of its citizens….” See this movie and then think about this sentence. It really got me to wondering why our politicians are so resistant to the concept of universal healthcare and socialized medicine and why the big heath insurance companies (like Kaiser Permanente) and big Pharma have $uch an incredible hold on our politician$.
This is a movie every American should see. Sure Moore overstates his case in a few places (but only a few, in my opinion) and he does some classic Michael Moore stuff like asking via a megaphone for safe passage into Guantanamo Bay, Cuba so that a boatload of Americans can seek free healthcare – things that are sure to create ammunition for Moore’s detractors. But this movie really opened my eyes to just how screwed up healthcare is in the
If you can only see one movie this summer, skip Harry Potter and all the other blockbuster films, see Sicko. It’s that important a film. Now I will get off my soapbox.
- tj
Friday, July 13, 2007
Great inspirational quotations about alcohol
I don’t drink (never have – just never liked the taste – I’m a mutant, what can I say), but after reading all these inspirational quotes below about the many varied benefits of alcohol, perhaps I should start drinking today. My favorite one is the third one down, from Henny Youngman. A Classic.
Thanks to Matt for sending this around. - tj
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Britain's Got Talent
Great Britain has its own version of American Idol, complete with Simon Cowell, called Britain’s Got Talent (or something like that). This is a video of a six-year old girl named Connie and her performance before Simon – accappella no less.
Pretty sappy, I admit (and no, there is no hook at the end – just sappy). So for those who like this sort of stuff, here you go. - tj
CNN Gets Blitzed by Michael Moore
In case you have not seen or heard about this, this is pretty interesting. Michael Moore takes off the gloves and goes after Wolf Blitzer about CNN’s report about his new film, Sicko, right before his live interview. Love him or hate him, Michael Moore is in rare form.
tj
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpKoN40K7mA
Sunday, July 08, 2007
An amazing painting
before a live audience. The entire video clip is 5 minutes but it's the
final minute or so that really has you going "wow!" - tj
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIJtKxdRQzY
