Friday, April 13, 2007
Letter to Proctor and Gamble - too funny
To all the women of the world...unite!!
This is hilarious and worth reading!
Subject: FW: Letter to Proctor and Gamble
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over
20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of
running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my
favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on
being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is
that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure
I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever
suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time
of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel
hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into
what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife
skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during
your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must
know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.
You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's
testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he
told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants.
Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I
wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an
Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were
these words: "Have a Happy Period."
Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness<actual
smiling, laughing happiness<is possible during a menstrual period?
Did anything mentioned above sund the least bit pleasurable? Well,
did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl,
there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have
to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your
house just so you don't march down to the local Wal-Mart armed with
a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of
glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just
have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more
sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the
Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that,
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits,
for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though
I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute
miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will
keep.
Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
Have a great day
This is hilarious and worth reading!
Subject: FW: Letter to Proctor and Gamble
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over
20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of
running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my
favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on
being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is
that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure
I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever
suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time
of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel
hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into
what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife
skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during
your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must
know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.
You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's
testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he
told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants.
Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I
wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an
Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were
these words: "Have a Happy Period."
Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness<actual
smiling, laughing happiness<is possible during a menstrual period?
Did anything mentioned above sund the least bit pleasurable? Well,
did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl,
there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have
to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your
house just so you don't march down to the local Wal-Mart armed with
a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of
glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just
have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more
sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the
Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that,
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits,
for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though
I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute
miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will
keep.
Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
Have a great day
