BigZeroLittleZero

Not sure if this really came from Bill Maher, but it does sound like his
style of commentary. Enjoy. (Thanks, Dale - loved this one.) -- tj

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Bill Maher's closing remarks on his show the other night:

"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more
money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war because
you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has
become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people.
Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No
one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished."

"Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk
away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the
baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How
about cowboy or an astronaut? Now I know what you're saying: there's so many
other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't.
I know, I know. There's a lot left to do.

"There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning
the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae.
Giving embryos the vote."

"But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like
Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't
given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert
Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to
rising water and snakes."

"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the budget surplus,
four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of
New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this
country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the
other side."

"So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: 'Take a hint.'"