Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Famous Quotations
"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt
"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement." - Mark Twain
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible." - George Burns
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year." - Victor Borge
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." - Mark Twain
"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir..mighty scarce." - Mark Twain
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get" a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx
"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."- Jimmy Durante
"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things." - Jilly Cooper
"I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat." - Alex Levine
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain
"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying." - Ed Furgol
"Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." - Spike Milligan
"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money." - Henny Youngman
"I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position." - Mark Twain
"Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up." - Joe Namath
"Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life." - Herbert Henry Asquith
"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it." - WC. Fields
"We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress." - Will Rogers
"Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you." - Winston Churchill
"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out." - Unknown
"By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere."- Billy Crystal
"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement." - Mark Twain
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible." - George Burns
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year." - Victor Borge
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." - Mark Twain
"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir..mighty scarce." - Mark Twain
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get" a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx
"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."- Jimmy Durante
"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things." - Jilly Cooper
"I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat." - Alex Levine
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain
"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying." - Ed Furgol
"Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." - Spike Milligan
"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money." - Henny Youngman
"I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position." - Mark Twain
"Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up." - Joe Namath
"Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life." - Herbert Henry Asquith
"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it." - WC. Fields
"We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress." - Will Rogers
"Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you." - Winston Churchill
"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out." - Unknown
"By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere."- Billy Crystal
